Turn Your Judgment into Compassion

 

I love the Dalai Lama. He’s the one dude on the planet I’d really like to be in the presence of.

I read one of his books many years ago, and he wrote that compassion is one of the most important ways to connect and heal our world.

Around that same time, I also read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it, he talks about judgment and “The Judge” and how we are our own worst judges. This book changed my life for the better.

I married the themes of these two books and decided to turn my judgment into compassion.

What does turning your judgment into compassion mean?

Turning your judgment into compassion means that you stop looking at me like I’m the worst mom on the planet when my typical-looking son starts screaming and crying and trying to hit me for no apparent reason. It means that I’m not automatically judged as a horrible mom who “allows” her son to have a tantrum and get his way. I am someone with an autistic kid who might need some love and support and kind eyes with a soft smile.

Turning your judgment into compassion means that you don’t stare at the overweight person eating fried chicken, judging them for being so heavy. You can turn that judgment into compassion by imagining their parents teaching them this way of being. Realize that they may not know another way and that is okay.

Turning your judgment into compassion means that the lady with all of the make-up and hair done-up just right at the yoga studio, who stared at herself the entire time (I just experienced this), might struggle so much with her body image that she’s hungry all of the time. Maybe she wants to eat, but her mind is so powerful that she is constantly pushed to go beyond any comfort in her life. Maybe she has zero happiness unless her eyeliner is on just so, and maybe that feeling of contentment lasts only for a brief moment.

Turning your judgment into compassion means that you accept yourself for forgetting, for saying the wrong thing, for having body odor, for being late, for losing a job, for being sick, for having a messy house, for not making *enough money*, for not working on your passion project, for being tired, for not working out, for all of the things that make us human.

Yes, we want to have the lives that we want, and yes, we can work and schedule and create intentionality for our lives. But we do not have to judge ourselves constantly for what’s not going the way we want it to or expect it to. And we can especially have compassion for ourselves for what we might imagine others are thinking about us.

You are invited to take a look at your thoughts when they are negative and unhelpful. The next time you find that you are judging yourself or judging another, remember that we’re all part of this human experience, right here and right now, and you are invited to turn your judgment into compassion.

I write these words for me and am glad to share them with you.

Mica

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